*WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS TOPICS THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN CAUTION.*
*Spoiler Warning The following contains spoilers for the show 13 Reasons Why*
We just finished watching 13 Reasons Why last night. I know, I know we’re a little late to the party. (It’s kind of our thing, we started watching Breaking Bad right before the final season aired, same with Sons of Anarchy and we didn’t start watching the Big Bang Theory until they were already into their 8th season.)
We started watching 13 Reasons Why back in April, but after the 3rd episode we just didn’t know how we really felt about it and we went on to re-watch Sons of Anarchy (it’s our FAVORITE show.). Since finishing the final episode (poor Jax, amirite?) we decided to finish 13 Reasons Why.
LET ME TELL YOU, I’M SO FLIPPING GLAD WE DID.
It was the BEST show I have ever watched. Hands down. I knew I had to make this post today, after finishing watching it. Because that show was too real and too raw to not talk about.
I’ve seen blog posts where people have talked about how disgusting the show was for showing the rape and suicide scenes, and that’s okay, that’s their opinion. I’m writing this to show you my opinion on it. To maybe bring some things to light that some people may not have considered before.
Our protagonist is Clay Jensen and he is the picture perfect teen, filled with teen angst. You can see how much he is hurting. You can FEEL how much he is hurting. Not only did he lose the girl he was in love with to suicide, he lost a good friend shortly before that. The poor kid had already taken on more than any teenager ever should at that point.
But the tapes, when he gets the tapes and he hears the 13 Reasons Why Hannah killed herself, we see Clay transform from this quiet, shy kid to this kid that’s now filled with so much anger and guilt.
I could feel the pain he was in, but then again I could feel Hannah’s pain, too.
People were amazed, and some appalled, that they showed the rape and suicide scenes. They showed two of the hardest things for people to talk about.
AND I THINK IT’S FUCKING GREAT.
(Sorry for the curse word family members.)
We NEED to see more of these “uncomfortable” scenes.
Let’s do something for a minute, I’m going to make all of you a little uncomfortable, let’s talk about RAPE.
On average there are 321,500 victims of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States.
1 out of every SIX are females
1 out of every TEN are males
So yes, men can and are being raped. EVERY DAMN DAY. Why isn’t this something we are talking about more? We need to be teaching our children that NO MEANS NO.
We need to STOP victim shaming because it’s total BS.
“Well, she shouldn’t have drank so much that she passed out. Then she wouldn’t have been raped.”
“Well, she shouldn’t have wore that short skirt. She was asking for it.”
Why, in 2017, are we STILL telling our girls they shouldn’t wear certain clothes because they could get raped? Why are we still blaming the poor victims for drinking? We need to be having more of these conversations. There NEEDS to be stronger punishments for the people who rape. Because more than likely if a person has raped once, they will do it again.
Let’s Talk About Suicide
For me, it all started in 7th grade.
My parents bought a house in a new city about 20-30 minutes away. I was so excited for my new room and the new school I was going to attend was HUGE. And when I started 7th Grade, at my new school, I had ran into a few people who had went to my elementary school. It was crazy to think that we eventually ended up back in school together.
One of the girls I used to know, invited me to eat lunch with her and her friends. They were part of the self-titled “popular group”. And of course at lunch they pointed out who sat where. It was just like in mean girls. (Except this was before the movie came out.)
See, I also made friends on the bus and one of them was a really cute guy (we’ll call him Ken) and I wanted to be his “girlfriend”. We started “going out” (sitting by each other at lunch and on the bus was the extent of that.) and one of the girls came up to me when I ate lunch with him a couple of days later, we’ll call her Samantha.
Samantha-“So what you aren’t going to eat with us?”
Me-“Well I’m dating Ken now and I want to eat lunch with him today. I’ll eat with you guys tomorrow though.”
Samantha- “Whatever. Your loss.”
And she walked away. A few days later is when it all began. With Samantha telling people I never washed my hair (I used a lot of hairspray to keep my bangs back in my ponytail). And it snowballed from there.
I WAS CALLED EVERY NAME IMAGINABLE.
I was miserable. I had my group of friends, but I was still getting picked on by a group of people that didn’t even know me.
It lasted a month, before I couldn’t take it anymore and I needed a release. A way to relieve the amount of emotional pain that filled me each and every single day.
I was beginning to fight with my mom more because she didn’t understand anything I was going through and I didn’t think she would. I was angry and hurt so I took out all of the overwhelming emotions I was feeling, on her.
I began to cut. Now, before you throw your judgement, put yourself in my shoes, or if you watched the show, Hannah Baker’s shoes. Think about how overwhelming it is to have to live day in and day out being harassed and bullied by other kids and feeling totally alone. Only one of my friends was getting harassed and it still wasn’t as bad as what was happening to me. So I was basically alone in all of this.
At one point,
I HAD ROCKS THROWN AT ME.
My mom called the school several times and they didn’t do anything. They said the rock incident was off school property so nothing could be done. But it had been at a bus stop, shouldn’t that be part of the school? It’s a DESIGNATED SCHOOL BUS STOP WHERE PEOPLE LINE UP FOR SCHOOL.
Then came the point with Samantha and her friend made up a horrible email quiz about me and sent it around to my family. My mom called into the police but they said there was nothing they could do.
In 8th grade I was shoulder checked every single day by a girl who I had never even spoke to before. And then after that another of their friends wrote “Slut”, “Bitch”, and “Ugly” all over my pictures on a friends binder.
I stayed home for one week in 8th grade because of the harassment. One of my friends had told the school she was worried about me and I got a worried phone call from my mom. I told her I hadn’t been suicidal, but I had been.
None of this was fair, I never did anything to these kids.
Since then I have struggled with my self-esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm.
To this day, I don’t think they realize exactly what they put me through.
AFTER 13 YEARS, I’M JUST NOW LEARNING HOW TO LOVE MYSELF.
I have thought of killing myself so many different times. Because when I was supposed to be figuring out who I was, I was getting bullied into thinking I was WORTHLESS.
I’ve had two major suicide attempts and several other times I had it planned out.
Now, it’s not easy for me to talk about ANY OF THIS. But it should be. Maybe if we had more talks about suicide, depression, bullying, self-harm, and rape then maybe the statistics would drop. We shy away from anything that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable because we just don’t want to deal with it.
BUT WE HAVE TO GET OVER OURSELVES. We HAVE to start having these discussions in order to change things.
They Showed The Suicide
And some people freaked out. Because you know what, it is UNCOMFORTABLE, it is SICKENING. But I’m glad they showed it. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among teens. SUICIDE. SOMETHING COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE IS KILLING TEENAGERS AND WE CONTINUE TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.
I don’t want to watch my children struggle with the same stuff I struggled with. I don’t want my children to go through high school thinking I don’t understand. I don’t want my children to think they can’t come to me. I don’t want my children thinking SUICIDE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. Because it’s not. I’ve lived through my attempts and I’m so glad I did.
IT DOES GET BETTER.
#ImNotSorry for my past. #ImNotSorry for my opinion. #ImNotSorry I think we need to show this more. #ImNotSorry I’m still alive.