A Letter To; My Son’s Dad

You are my son’s dad. I’ve known you for over a decade but lately I feel like I don’t even know you. Which is fine. We aren’t together. I’m happily married and moved on. And so are you. (Not married, but maybe one day, yeah?)

You see, the thing is, there’s this little boy who is my ENTIRE world. My heart and soul. My son. OUR son.

For the past 8 years I have given this child my everything. I will continue to do so for the rest of my living days. Because that’s what being a parent is all about, right?

We’ve had our ups and downs. The best times have been when we have gotten along. It makes things so much easier to co-parent when we can get along. Don’t you think?

I want to say, I am so happy for you both. I’m glad you found someone different for once.

All I want is for some respect as our son’s mother. I didn’t think it was too much to ask for. When your girlfriend becomes your wife we can re-discuss the boundaries. But as of right now, she barely even knows him. She doesn’t know enough about him or has she been around long enough to even parent him.

This isn’t what I wanted or intended. But I needed to stick up for myself, for my son. She cannot and will not treat me this way. And for you to not even stick up for me as his mother is awful. I would never allow my husband to treat you the way you allow her to treat me. My husband is his step-father. He knows his boundaries and would never even think to “step on your toes” so to speak.

I asked to only communicate with you about him and I felt as if we had this mutual understanding and that things would be okay. But then she texted me once again about matters that do not concern her. And when I asked her not to contact me again, you forwarded me a text from her.

That wasn’t fair. I need and DESERVE some respect here.

I have had to put up with so much shit this past year.

We had a talk back in November that never stuck. (before I even knew about your girlfriend) It’s a shame, I really hoped it would have brought to light how you have been affecting your relationship with him as his dad.

He deserves some more respect from you, too. He wanted to just talk to you. He misses you so much when you travel and he doesn’t get to see you. And when you travel, all he wants is one phone call. Why is that too much to ask?

He’s only getting older. And one day you’re going to look back and wish you would have done things different. You’re going to look back and regret every selfish decision you made. You are going to wish you had spent more time and put more effort into your relationship with him.

THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT. I want you to realize what you’re doing now, BEFORE it’s too late. He needs a real relationship with his father. Children need their dads to be fully present in their lives and not just pick and choose when to be a parent.

You told me this was the end of our “civil relationship.” So now you don’t want any contact. All because I stuck up for myself over the hurtful text she sent me. It’s not fair. But if this is how it’s going to be I hope you realize it’s damaging him.

He is a VERY SMART kid. He catches on to emotions very easily. Not only that, but he is very sensitive. You should know this.

Did you know he wants to play football? Did you know he can throw a good spiral? Did you know his teacher had a family emergency and she hasn’t been around for a while? He’s had substitutes. Did you know his best friend moved away? Did you know there are kids that are mean to him at school? Did you know he wants to be a part of his school’s choir? Did you know he wants to write a series of books? Did you know he wants to be an inventor? Did you know he has a journal? Did you know he was so hurt and angry when you didn’t call, that he wrote about it in his journal? Did you know he feels like you don’t care about him? Did you know he still feels HORRIBLE for what happened to his brother because of what was said to him right after it happened? He still carries that guilt. Despite how many times I tell him it was an accident.

You see, I’m left with the broken pieces to clean up when you don’t follow through with what you say you are going to do. (I’ll gladly do this any day.)

I love him to pieces and it’s killing me to watch what you are doing. It’s been going on since before our talk in November. I hope you realize what you are doing. I hope you change the way you parent. I hope you step up more.

He needs you. Be the dad he needs.

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