I know you. You live your life wondering if today will be a good day or a bad day.
You live your life in fear.
Fear of what he might say or do next.
You’re terrified of leaving and terrified of staying.
You do as he asks, even if it’s something demeaning. Something you wouldn’t normally choose to do. Something that hurts you.
You hide the marks because you don’t want to answer the questions. You hide your emotions behind a mask for the same reason.
He hurts you. Phsycially and emotionally, and yet, you still stick up for him. Defend his character when someone suspects what he is doing. You choose him. After everything, you still choose him.
Because you’re scared. You’re afraid of the consequence of leaving. You’re afraid that the restraining order won’t be enough.
I know you because I was you. It’s been years now and I’m mostly over it. The worst is done and gone. But I still get nervous when I have to go into Fort Collins. If I were to ever see him or his family, I’m sure I wouldn’t do too good.
But I got out. I ended it before things got worse.
AND I BEG YOU TO DO THE SAME.
Your confidence is low, I get that. You’re broken and fragile from the things he says to you. You feel worthless, as if you will never be able to find someone else who will love you.
That’s just not true. (I’m living proof of this.)
When he tells you these things, when he emotionally attacks you, it’s a tactic to weaken and scare you.
I was watching YouTube videos recently. One of my favorite channels is Top15s. They make creepy videos that I enjoy watching. (Some of them aren’t all that creepy and are actually really interesting.)
There was one video I watched (Top 15 Disturbing 911 Calls). The worst one for me was a little girl calling the police because her step-dad was beating her mom. And then he turned on her sister and her.
PLEASE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, GET OUT. It’s not good for you emotionally, but it’s REALLY not good for your children. If you don’t get out to protect and save yourself, you need to do it for your children.
See, I was lucky. At the time the worst things happened, Brodey was at his dad’s house. He wasn’t around for the really bad things. In fact, I don’t think he was around for really any arguments we had. And if he was, he was asleep.
But you, you might not be so lucky. Maybe the real father isn’t around for his kids, or maybe your abuser is the father. You need to think of your kids and protect them from these things. If he is the father, you really need to get your children away from him. Because your kids will be his next target.
“He’ll never hurt the kids.” You might say.
But I’m sure in the beginning you thought “This guy is great. I know he’ll never hurt me.”
There are so many places out there. So many resources, please use them. Get yourself out, get your kids out. Your life doesn’t have to be this way. Your life doesn’t have to be filled with pain and tears and absolute fear. Things can be so much better.
If you are in an abusive relationship whether it’s emotionally or physically or maybe both, please reach out to someone. Please, reach out to me. Even if it’s just to vent and talk. I won’t make you feel cornered. I won’t make you do anything. But I can be a good friend.
Nomore.org is an amazing organization. Check out their website and please realize that there are so many people who are there to help you. Who want to help you.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE THIS WAY.